Day 33

Happy 4th of July!

While other people have been celebrating and having fun, I’ve been stuck at home due to it being my mother’s birthday. Normally, this wojld be fine. Yesterday it was boring. She did love the flowers and cake but watching fireworks? I didn’t go with her and my sister. It was raining and the roads into downtown were closed. Every year, we get stuck in a stupid place with a bad view after a lot of crazy driving and long walks. This year, they got a great spot, didn’t have to walk at all and had a lot of fun. I regret not going, but at the same time I was glad not to have to. My bed was too comfortable.

And today, while a lot of people are at home, on vacation, traveling, sleeping in, and having fun – I am at work, with more than the usual amount of work to do. This sucks.

Grad school is looming and I’m still in the dark – I don’t know anything about anything yet. I’m stressing about everything again and it isn’t what I want to spend my life, my youth, my time or my energy on.

I hope I can relax and have a little fun tonight with my boyfriend. He has been supportive but immersed in his hobbies. I envy him his ability to be totally self-sufficient.

Ramadan is also almost here. I’m dreading being stuck at home every single night for a month, minus the even more dreadful nights we have Aftar parties with my father’s friends and their families.

I hope I can stay strong and keep moving onwards and forwards. Destiny will not wait for my time to assimilate.

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