Day 48

How do you blow a relationship up about 30000 ways to Hell and back? You tell the guy you’re dating that he needs to figure out if you’re it for him or not – you don’t want to invest the next  or 10 years of your life in him and your relationship without figuring that out. You also tell him you can’t believe that his answer is “I don’t know” because what the fuck? You’ve been dating two effing years already! How can he not know?? If the answer is No you can accept that as a testament to how not good enough for him you are. But he doesn’t even Know??? And then you have the idiotic urge to ask him if he needs time to think and space and he says yes. You both say you love each other. Then you say good night. And then you never hear from him again.

That, ladies and gentleman, is how not to do it. Let my mistakes and stupidity be a warning to you all. Don’t ever think you can get an answer from someone who just isn’t emotionally mature enough. And don’t ever think he (she) will miss you enough to come back – they are cutting their losses and running for the hills. The don’t need you. They don’t even want to be with you. And all you can do is try to get over it. 

Though he hasn’t officially ended it, the radio silence speaks for itself. And I have no choice but to prepare for the most dreaded words. I will hear “I’m sorry, but I can’t” from the one man I wanted to live my whole life with. I ruined it. And now I’m just done. I’m done.

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