Sometimes you have to escape, just run as hard and fast as you can in order not to see the world as it really is. If you did stop to look and accept for too long it would break you into so many pieces that you wouldn’t be able to recover them all. Parts of you would be lost forever. And you would feel the loss of each part every single day.
When you’re part of a family that’s never really been a unit and you are the least valued member, it is much much easier to just keep running and never look back. Never realize how little you matter. Never realize the hypocrisy or the politics that run rampant in your home. Never accept the hardest truth – there are favorites even with parents and you are not one of them. In fact, you’re the one they never talk abouy, the one that embarrasses and disappoints them, the one they wish they could get rid of but don’t in order to keep up appearances. Your wishes matter a lot less than what the world thinks. And because you want to be independent and make your own decisions after turning 25 – well you obviously are disobedient and don’t love them enough to let them control everything for the rest of your life.
So you escape into books, into shows, into people and food. But you can never stop running, can’t look over your shoulder or you’ll stop, and the moment you stop it will be over. Everything will break apart. Not just you but the whole family will break down. So you run until you can’t anymore. And then…you get up and start running again.