Sick from Love

To be told you are precious, and wanted,  and loved, and beautiful and amazing…that is the most rewarding experience in the world. You can love someone and have them love you and still not have enough. I know what that is like. That is the hell I am living through today.

When a man truly loves you and knows you are the one, he will move the earth and the heavens to get you and ensure you never belong to someone else – that is what I have always observed among people really in love. For some reason, I didn’t get that experience for myself. For some reason, through no fault of mine, I have to give the man I want to spend life with time to consider if he wants to do the same. Perhaps I am not the right person for him. Perhaps he just doesn’t love me enough. I wonder why, even so, to the core of my being I cannot imagine life without him in it.

I don’t want to wake up without him in my life. I don’t want to sleep without at least a text from him. I Don’t Want To Live Without Him because without him,  I am only a shadow of myself. It isn’t that I depend on him for my happiness, it is that his mere presence in my life lights me up like the sun. Boring, monotonous chores become fun and grocery shopping is an adventure. Dates are the highlight of my life. I love him so totally I didn’t know I could love someone like this.

Why do I feel like this about someone who apparently doesn’t reciprocate those emotions enough to commit? I deserve better and more than a facade built on convenience. I deserve commitment and love and hope and a future. I Deserve To Be Loved.

I pray and pray and pray some more that the man I love also loves me as I love him, and that he will come to the same conclusion I did – he will stand with me and by me and walk through life together with me. I truly hope for this, no matter how foolish it may seem. Hope springs eternal,  and I want that eternity together with him.

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