Hi guys, it has been a while since my last post. It wasn’t because I didn’t have much to say, it was more because I simply wasn’t depressed and thinking about other things helped. The more I focused on positive things, the easier it was to function.
Personal relationships can sometimes be a trigger for depression, though of course there is no requirement for that to be the case. For the last few months, my relationship with one of my closest friends was rocky at best and this was really difficult for both of us in different ways. We resolved our issues by compromising but it took several weeks of agonizing and having difficult conversations to get to that point. Prior to reaching that point, I spent a lot of time very depressed, crying, being numb, being empty and being conflicted. I finally had to stop talking to her for a while in order to regroup and rejuvenate.
Why am I sharing this particular story with you? Because I felt like it taught me a lot and I wanted to share what I learned from this struggle.
Sometimes, even if we know we could hurt someone else’s feelings, we have to be selfish and take care of our own feelings first. We have to consider our own condition as well as the circumstances of that moment. We cannot simply let ourselves be exhausted constantly, both mentally and physically, because we love someone. That is what is called being in a toxic relationship.
I had a hard time learning this lesson because I value loyalty above all and felt like I would be abandoning her to feel better myself. However, I realized that if I couldn’t function properly, we would just keep breaking each other’s hearts and end up hurting each other badly. This conflict almost ended our relationship. It’s still on rocky ground but that space apart helped me stabilize and steady myself enough to get to a point where I could have an adult conversation.
I also learned to really value myself. I learned I have to care for myself or no one else ever will. I realized that in the darkest moments, I have to hold on tight to the things that motivate me to do my best. I have to keep an eye on the light that is always there, even if it can be hard to see. Most of all, I can never let go of hope.
On that note, I pray that all of you suffering from the darkness in your hearts will remember that the light never abandons you. Just search for it with an open mind and don’t be afraid to reach out. Focus all your energy on any positivity you can find. Think less about the things that make you unhappy. I know that is a tall order, but I have done it and I promise you can, too. I wish you all a happy rest of the week!