Ever get blitz attacked by unwelcome memories? Ever find yourself perfectly content, enjoying your morning, doing your thing but then suddenly something – a phrase, a smell, an article on the web – reminds you of an event you have done your best to put behind you and you are suddenly overwhelmed by a deluge of memories? Sometimes there isn’t even a trigger. You just Want something to be a certain way So badly, you Wish so badly, that you can’t stop thinking about a person or an event and everything reminds you of them. You can’t stop replaying your moments together. You can’t stop wanting those moments to multiply and become more. You feel so very lonely. You are terrified you will end up alone and unloved because you didn’t do enough, because something is wrong with you, because you are broken.
What you conveniently do not recall are the memories that became the Reason those things you wish for haven’t become a reality. What you do not automatically recall are the anxious days, the times you cried, the times you left and he didn’t come after you, the secrets he wouldn’t share, the way you were something he was ashamed of. You don’t want to remember the way he made you feel used and alone. You don’t want to remember the times you bared your soul and either got no response or were simply ignored or had it brushed off as a joke. You were not valued, and this is something that hurts you to accept, so you don’t remember all the times you cried and hurt. You just remember empty promises and meaningless moments.
The thing with these unwanted memories is that they cloud your mind and heart. They leave you feeling lost and broken, aching for something that was never yours. They make you long for a future that will never come. More than anything, they make you feel like a piece of you was lost.
The truth is, nothing was lost. You gained memories. You gained experience. You gained more self-awareness. You found out more of what you do and don’t want, what you are looking for in life, what your priorities are. You may have been embarrassed and hurt by the failure of something you put your heart and soul into but you also know you are brave enough to do something many people are not – be sincere and loyal. You know you are capable of love, you are capable of commitment and you realize you are an excellent partner.
Now, you have an opportunity to grow. You can choose to wallow in the past or you can choose to learn from it and move forward. You can find new goals. You can find new things to look forward to. You can find new dreams to pursue. You can find out how much you were limiting yourself to fit into someone else’s world. You can do anything you want. The luxury of being able to pursue absolutely anything you want is not one to take lightly.
These memories are where they belong – in the Past. Now, you have a Future you can shape into anything you want. Revel in the magic of that. Take your time to do whatever healing you need to do. Fail. Learn from it. Get back up. Move Forward. Take it one baby step at a time. But keep moving Forward. Dream Big. Reach for the Impossible. You can do anything you really set your mind to. Be Your Best Self. And most of all, Love Yourself. You are worthy of being loved. Until you love you, no one else ever will. Be Determined. Be Strong. Be Free.