Slowly but surely, boredom is killing me. I am stress eating constantly because I’m bored and getting depressed as a result. I have nothing to do and nothing I want to do, no motivation to do even the most basic things I really need to get done, no energy to keep up with the few people I call friends, no desire to do anything but eat and sleep and lay in my bed wasting time.
At the same time. I am frustrated with myself and how much of my life I’m wasting, how much weight I’ve gained, and how little I do with my talents. I am frustrated at never being good enough in some sense or another for the things I endeavor to succeed in or the people I want to love me more.
I cannot find anything that moves me enough to make me Move. I can start out with the best of intentions but eventually fall off the bandwagon. Is there a place where mediocrity and lack of motivation are acceptable and glorified? Because that’s where I need to go so I can finally fit in.
I hate how much I lack compared to others, not in material things but in the richness of their personalities and lives. Though my life is thankfully drama and tragedy free right now, it is not rich and fulfilling either. Though I have no serious complaints and only have first world problems, I feel empty, dead, miserable. Is this all there is in life? Misery or lack of feeling, interrupted by brief bouts of joy or other feelings?
I am so tired. All the time. I am too tired to write more.
Hopefully, I can fins something to replace my boredom with soon. Until then, ciao.