Angry and Afraid

This world is a shithole and I’m tired of living in it. It makes me angry that it is partly my fault. It also depresses me and makes me feel helpless that it won’t change enough to be worth anything in my lifetime.

The atrocities our justice system allows to happen, from the Panic Defense that is used in hate killings against the LGBTQ community or in other hate crimes for people just BEING THEMSELVES, is an appalling and bloodcurdling existence.

The fact that police officers have been killing with immunity for decades is incomprehensible and Terrifying. They are the new lynch mob and all the hidden white hoods come out to play every time they commit murder. When the people of color stand up and demand better, they are just thugs and hooligans who loot and destroy property.

I have been complacent, mostly out of a fear of making a misstep and being vocal on an issue that I thought I couldn’t fully understand because I’m not black and I’m not openly LBGTQ. I was wrong. This is WRONG.

Do I agree with people taking advantage of large crowds to commit crimes and destroy property? No. Do I agree with the message of 90% of that crowd? Yes.

I don’t know what it is like to be black and male in America.

I do know what it is like to be brown and Muslim and female in this world. And it isn’t pleasant. But at least I don’t think a police officer will shoot me for Existing and Breathing without cause.

I have chosen to bury my head in the sand and done next to nothing to change the things I have always viewed as Wrong and Unjust. To be honest, beyond being outraged, I am not sure What exactly To do. My ignorance is alarming – I’m also a minority in every sense and, to be honest, a victim of racism quite often. I just have no clue how to make it Stop.

I know white people who are not racist in the least. However, most of them don’t realize the privilege they have in this world simply by being born white. It is hard to realize your experiences in life are different and better when they are the only ones you have had. At this point in time, though, when there are so many avenues to inform yourself and so many people explaining this phenomenon, any white person who doesn’t accept their privilege and then use it to change things Infuriates me. Because it is white people who have truly created the world’s current situation. Slavery, conquest, plundering riches and appropriating culture, wars in far off lands for personal profit has all come from white people in the last several hundred years. I think that, as a collective, the rest of the world is Over it.

The changing of the pecking order and of non-whites being in power is what white supremacists and most other racists fear most.

That fear has created this world. And I HATE IT.

Things have to change. Or the world will burn to the ground and we will start this same cycle again.

We have to change.

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