It’s 3 am and I’m having too many self realizations to sleep. There is too much anger and resentment for me to rest. I am full of self righteous indignation. How dare someone treat me so badly my whole life that I am only now realizing that I should really love myself? There is a … Continue reading Duality
Author: sakurascorpion
I love music, books, people, jewelry, art and Chemistry. I'm a science geek and a sci-fi nerd. Writing is my way of expressing myself. People bring me joy and pain. Music is the most universal language of the soul and I absolutely revel in it. Art is the beauty of the human soul in an image. War and politics sicken me. I would love to travel everywhere. I can't wait to meet the world!
Crying, Trying
Last night, I cried a lot. For the first time in a long time, I just bawled. Usually, I Want to cry but can't. Yesterday, it just came pouring out of me without warning. I felt really sorry for myself. Mostly, I felt acute hurt, the kind of hurt that only comes from the people … Continue reading Crying, Trying
Struggling
I'm not okay. I live in dark thoughts most of the time these days. Nothing seems to bring real light to my life. I feel unloved, ignored, forgotten by most people. I know that this pandemic has resulted in a lot of difficulties for everyone. Everyone is having a hard time and coping in their … Continue reading Struggling
Memories
In honor of those 2020 took from us: I’m having a different kind of day Realizing creativity is my way You find solace in places I no longer can I need more than a gentle guiding hand Finding passions wherever I go Using all the words at my core I find my voice here once … Continue reading Memories
Dream
Books and music have always been my escape routes, both in the best of times and the worst of times. Every book I’ve read and every piece of music I have loved has become a small fragment of who I am today. As I’ve aged, my tastes have changed but not by a whole lot. … Continue reading Dream
Angry and Afraid
This world is a shithole and I'm tired of living in it. It makes me angry that it is partly my fault. It also depresses me and makes me feel helpless that it won't change enough to be worth anything in my lifetime. The atrocities our justice system allows to happen, from the Panic Defense … Continue reading Angry and Afraid
Anxious & Depressed – Covid Edition
Having a serious anxiety attack feels like a terrible and new experience all over again. It has been a long time since the anxiety and depression held at bay by medication and strong, supportive relationships filtered through it all and snuck in a back door I didn’t know was open. I didn’t even know I … Continue reading Anxious & Depressed – Covid Edition
Crying my eyes out
I have just spent the last hour and a half crying in the bathtub because I wish I didn't exist. It has been a while since I last felt this way but I think this was creeping up on me for the last several weeks. There are literally two people in this entire world who … Continue reading Crying my eyes out
Examining My Grief
I am not quite sure why, I just know that I am going through the five stages of grief right now. It is almost as if something catastrophic has happened when, in reality, nothing quite so dire has occurred. I haven't had a death in the family, no friends are in a terrible place in … Continue reading Examining My Grief
Sick and Sad
Being sick is no fun at all. Having the cold, wheezing your lungs out, running a fever, throwing up, being unable to eat what you like, go where you like, do what you like - being sick is the absolute worst. Being chronically ill with a sickness that disables you is one of the most … Continue reading Sick and Sad
