Last night, I cried a lot. For the first time in a long time, I just bawled. Usually, I Want to cry but can't. Yesterday, it just came pouring out of me without warning. I felt really sorry for myself. Mostly, I felt acute hurt, the kind of hurt that only comes from the people … Continue reading Crying, Trying
Category: lonely
Dream
Books and music have always been my escape routes, both in the best of times and the worst of times. Every book I’ve read and every piece of music I have loved has become a small fragment of who I am today. As I’ve aged, my tastes have changed but not by a whole lot. … Continue reading Dream
Crying my eyes out
I have just spent the last hour and a half crying in the bathtub because I wish I didn't exist. It has been a while since I last felt this way but I think this was creeping up on me for the last several weeks. There are literally two people in this entire world who … Continue reading Crying my eyes out
Sick and Sad
Being sick is no fun at all. Having the cold, wheezing your lungs out, running a fever, throwing up, being unable to eat what you like, go where you like, do what you like - being sick is the absolute worst. Being chronically ill with a sickness that disables you is one of the most … Continue reading Sick and Sad
recurring nightmare
My life is a nightmare and I can't get away from it. My past comes back to haunt me in new and more warped ways. Every time I think I've taken a step in the right direction, I'm shoved back about 30 steps in the opposite direction. I feel alone and unimportant. I'm just here … Continue reading recurring nightmare
Soul tired
Bone weary, soul tired, depressed - take your pick, I've been all of the above for several weeks now. Nothing I did helped. No amount of sleep (or lack thereof) has been enough to energize me recently. I am not motivated at all. I simply wish I could hibernate like a bear forever. In this … Continue reading Soul tired
Ice Breaker
Recently, I have been unmotivated to do anything that requires any kind of effort. I've been spending too much on things I don't need and spending too little time on actually growing myself in any meaningful way. I was given the opportunity to join Toastmasters recently and used it to push myself a tiny step towards … Continue reading Ice Breaker
Fat and Ugly
Thus far, I have spent most of my life feeling utterly unattractive with brief spurts of self love sprinkled in between. For the last few months all I feel is general self loathing. I feel lonely and empty. I feel unaccomplished and unmotivated. Mostly, I feel fat and ugly. "Fat and ugly," is a refrain … Continue reading Fat and Ugly
Boredom is Killing Me
Slowly but surely, boredom is killing me. I am stress eating constantly because I'm bored and getting depressed as a result. I have nothing to do and nothing I want to do, no motivation to do even the most basic things I really need to get done, no energy to keep up with the few … Continue reading Boredom is Killing Me
Lost
If you have been brave enough to live, you have not only failed repeatedly, you have lost much over and over, and you have been lost in the forest of endless possibilities and rocky paths. Sometimes, you are lost because you don't know where you want to go or who you want to be. Currently, … Continue reading Lost
