Having a serious anxiety attack feels like a terrible and new experience all over again. It has been a long time since the anxiety and depression held at bay by medication and strong, supportive relationships filtered through it all and snuck in a back door I didn’t know was open. I didn’t even know I … Continue reading Anxious & Depressed – Covid Edition
Category: Numb
Sick and Sad
Being sick is no fun at all. Having the cold, wheezing your lungs out, running a fever, throwing up, being unable to eat what you like, go where you like, do what you like - being sick is the absolute worst. Being chronically ill with a sickness that disables you is one of the most … Continue reading Sick and Sad
recurring nightmare
My life is a nightmare and I can't get away from it. My past comes back to haunt me in new and more warped ways. Every time I think I've taken a step in the right direction, I'm shoved back about 30 steps in the opposite direction. I feel alone and unimportant. I'm just here … Continue reading recurring nightmare
Boredom is Killing Me
Slowly but surely, boredom is killing me. I am stress eating constantly because I'm bored and getting depressed as a result. I have nothing to do and nothing I want to do, no motivation to do even the most basic things I really need to get done, no energy to keep up with the few … Continue reading Boredom is Killing Me
Scared to go to Therapy
I realized recently that I am actively avoiding going to therapy. I don't know exactly why I'm doing this but I am. I have a session coming up soon and have been trying to script exactly what I will and won't say to my therapist during that session. Why am I doing this? I have … Continue reading Scared to go to Therapy
Lost
If you have been brave enough to live, you have not only failed repeatedly, you have lost much over and over, and you have been lost in the forest of endless possibilities and rocky paths. Sometimes, you are lost because you don't know where you want to go or who you want to be. Currently, … Continue reading Lost
Incoherent and Irrational
A bout of depression has struck me once more. I feel incoherent and irrational today. I keep trying to go back in time and make sense of things. I keep on trying to figure it out - where did I make my first mistake and when did I make my last one? Sometimes, I regret … Continue reading Incoherent and Irrational
Tough Pill To Swallow
Someone told me recently that this is an year for renewal. With renewal comes an inevitable ending of some sort or the other. Some of us have lost everything we thought defined us. Some of us had something promising come crashing down around us. Some of us found success in something we never imagine we … Continue reading Tough Pill To Swallow
Floating on a Cloud
As much as I wish I was floating on a cloud, carried away to the lands of wonder and seas of adventure to meet the winds of my fate, reality has other ideas. I stay strong because I must. I sometimes reach out for help because I must. I sometimes even manage to stop drowning … Continue reading Floating on a Cloud
It has been a while…
It has been so long since I posted here. I'm sorry for that, but I dislike writing things I don't truly mean and am not actually feeling in that moment. Hence, the long sabbatical. You see, I had achieved a modicum of neutral stability, even ranging to slight happiness at times. I was cruising through … Continue reading It has been a while…
Depression Diary 