I live far from all of my extended family. As a result, I had lost all touch with most of them and felt very disconnected from them all. After over a decade, I flew halfway around the world just to see them. After what I learned a couple days ago, I'm really glad I was … Continue reading Disconnecting, reconnecting
I'm sick of seeing dying children paying the price for the wars of old men. I am sick of the tears running down my face as those small, motionless bodies are handed to the devastated, broken parents. I am sick of the violations minorities of every sort, in every corner of the world, experience on … Continue reading I am Sick
It has been so long since I posted here. I'm sorry for that, but I dislike writing things I don't truly mean and am not actually feeling in that moment. Hence, the long sabbatical. You see, I had achieved a modicum of neutral stability, even ranging to slight happiness at times. I was cruising through … Continue reading It has been a while…
For the past month, I have cried almost every day. Sometimes it's because I'm failing all my classes in grad school. Sometimes because I'm an inadequate teacher. Sometimes because I'm a sucky daughter and an absentee sister. But mostly because I feel unattractive, undesirable, unneeded and sometimes unwanted. Being an unneccessary existence sucks. Being a … Continue reading Death by crying?
Warning: There is profanity involved in this entry. Some days I realize how very alone I am...in my beliefs, my wants and needs, my likes and dislikes, my tendency for emotional reactions masked by cool calculation...for my wretchedness in being alone, not being enough, not being nearly enough... I find myself 'failing' repeatedly...and re-hashing all … Continue reading Day 20