I have just spent the last hour and a half crying in the bathtub because I wish I didn't exist. It has been a while since I last felt this way but I think this was creeping up on me for the last several weeks. There are literally two people in this entire world who … Continue reading Crying my eyes out
Tag: depression
Sick and Sad
Being sick is no fun at all. Having the cold, wheezing your lungs out, running a fever, throwing up, being unable to eat what you like, go where you like, do what you like - being sick is the absolute worst. Being chronically ill with a sickness that disables you is one of the most … Continue reading Sick and Sad
Disconnecting, reconnecting
I live far from all of my extended family. As a result, I had lost all touch with most of them and felt very disconnected from them all. After over a decade, I flew halfway around the world just to see them. After what I learned a couple days ago, I'm really glad I was … Continue reading Disconnecting, reconnecting
Boredom is Killing Me
Slowly but surely, boredom is killing me. I am stress eating constantly because I'm bored and getting depressed as a result. I have nothing to do and nothing I want to do, no motivation to do even the most basic things I really need to get done, no energy to keep up with the few … Continue reading Boredom is Killing Me
Scared to go to Therapy
I realized recently that I am actively avoiding going to therapy. I don't know exactly why I'm doing this but I am. I have a session coming up soon and have been trying to script exactly what I will and won't say to my therapist during that session. Why am I doing this? I have … Continue reading Scared to go to Therapy
Quick to Criticize, Slow to Praise
We live in a world where criticism is all too common and praise is hard to come by. I am guilty of criticizing freely and bluntly. I do, however, also try to give credit where it's due and to praise or compliment what I think is worthy. I just don't do it often enough. Appreciation … Continue reading Quick to Criticize, Slow to Praise
Happy Pills
Recently, while visiting my doctor for unrelated reasons, I was given a depression screening questionnaire. I 'passed' the 'test' with flying colors. My doctor recommended I take anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication. For a long time, I was pretty prejudiced against anti-depressants and for good reason. I had seen one of my relatives turn into a medically induced … Continue reading Happy Pills
Morning Depression
Morning depression is the worst. Starting out every day with a sad heart and heavy soul is extremely difficult. I begin the day feeling dead inside and like there is no point to existing and never truly stop feeling that way. I cannot explain how hard that makes it to continue to function. I have … Continue reading Morning Depression
Broken Dreams
This post began as an ode to a broken past and has ended as something else entirely. Anyone of us who has dared to dream has definitely found obstacles on the way to achieving said dreams. Some of us never make it to the 'achievement' part of that dream because we give up along the … Continue reading Broken Dreams
Incoherent and Irrational
A bout of depression has struck me once more. I feel incoherent and irrational today. I keep trying to go back in time and make sense of things. I keep on trying to figure it out - where did I make my first mistake and when did I make my last one? Sometimes, I regret … Continue reading Incoherent and Irrational
